More Books!

It took me a little longer than I planned to share the books I've read over the last few months, so I ended up adding to it several times. I feel like I'm finally at a stopping point while participating in Camp NaNoWriMo, so I thought it was a good time to post the new list. I've divided this into three categories: completed, completed series, and abandoned. Most are hyperlinked to Goodreads. Feel free to add me to your Goodreads if you want to be friends there.

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Completed:

The Poetry Hour, Volume 1
I've been trying to get back into poetry. This helped a little.

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

Eat Good and Cheap by Leanne Brown

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

The Color Purple by Alice Walker
No movie on this planet makes me weep like The Color Purple. I know this is an extremely unpopular thing to say, but the movie was far, far better than this book.

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
I greatly disliked this story. The only point of it was to attack religion. Heaven knows I have my own issues with the church right now, but I'm not anti-religion. This definitely is, to the extreme. As I frequently say, it is entirely possible to be an atheist without being an ass about it, but some people clearly didn't get the memo.

The Black Penguin by Andrew Evans
Andrew is my favorite world traveler. I've been following him for years, so I knew when he released a memoir, I'd want to own it. He talked about growing up in a strict (in my opinion, abusive) religious atmosphere. He was eventually excommunicated from his church and family for homosexuality. Hired by National Geographic to travel from Washington, D.C. to Antarctica, he gives us his account of the adventure. He's a good writer, and I'm glad he told his story.

Lethal Licorice: An Amish Candy Shop Mystery by Amanda Flower
If you like clean mysteries for general audiences, this series is a decent choice.

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
Definitely a chick read, and I admit I like the movie a lot more. This may or may not have something to do with my beloved Alan Rickman. You knew I was gonna go there, didn't you? He's my Colonel Brandon and I'll love him for the rest of my life. Just putting that out there, universe.

The Time Machine by H.G. Wells

Alice's Adventures In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll


Completed Series:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (5 books)
I don't know if I've ever enjoyed reading a series of novels so much. I really loved them. I will say that the editing is horrible to the point that it's practically non-existent. However, the plots were strong and never failed to entertain me. I laughed and cried. Having some knowledge of Greek Mythology is helpful, but I think these books would be a fun read regardless. I will probably read them again!

The Chronicles of Narnia (7 books)
Where do I begin? I've always liked The Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe. It's a solid story. I read the book and saw the movie, and thought both were great. The prequel, The Magician's Nephew, was also pretty good (I think a movie is in production now). Prince Caspian and Dawn Treader weren't bad. But the rest...were bad. They were so bad, in fact, that when I reached the end, I cried I was so upset. Some of Lewis's decisions were offensively sexist and unnecessary. The Last Battle was a lazy, terrible ending to what could have been a strong series. I am so disappointed.

Harry Potter (7 books)
I finally finished the Harry Potter series! The audiobooks with Jim Dale were great. Very long, mind you, but well done. I also have the eBooks, so I frequently followed along. As I mentioned last year after watching the movies, I love Harry Potter far more than I expected to. The series exceeded my expectations, and deserves the hype it has received for 20 years. I joined Pottermore on my 40th birthday, and I'm an official Hufflepuff. :-)


Books I partially read and abandoned for reasons:

Shopgirl by Steve Martin: I hate to be so harsh, but this was trash. It's all about "big breasts", "wet panties", and "limp penises"...just...WTF. I wanted to bury myself under a mound of intelligent literature within 15 minutes. The book would be nothing if Martin wasn't a celebrity. It's garbage. 

Practical Demonkeeping by Christopher Moore: This is satire, but I found it utterly unfunny. An hour into the audiobook, I just wanted him to stop talking to me.

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess: I had no idea how dark and demented this would be. I ditched it when someone started getting raped, and the fact that Burgess stated that he felt excited while writing such scenes tells me all I need to know about him. No thanks.

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty: Sex, abuse, desperate housewives...meh. It didn't keep my attention. Halfway through, I decided I didn't care who died, how they died, or why they died.

I didn't hyperlink these, but they're easily Googleable (ha).

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No offense to those who suggested the books I didn't like. I always appreciate the input - I really do!

I've got plenty of other books in queue, including more non-fiction which is usually my preference. I'll share a new list in a couple of months!

Renal/Endocrinology Clinic 4/9/2018

I'll try to keep this a lot shorter than what I wrote on Facebook.

But first, look at my absolutely adorable smiling Sylveon!

She guarded my car while I was at clinic. :-)

Whatever keeps the sanity intact, folks.

My labs look good. My kidney function is fantastic.

I'm having mild kidney stones again, so we briefly discussed that. I was informed by Dr. P that tomatoes contain a lot of oxalate, and that's bad news because I eat a ton of tomatoes. I honestly can't imagine giving up salsa, but I should consider limiting it. I also need to ditch tea once and for all if I expect to keep the stones at a minimum.

Both the phlebotomist and the nurse asked me to uncross my legs. Apparently, I am doing myself no favors regarding circulation and blood pressure by crossing my legs, and I do it constantly. I am going to have to somehow break the habit.

Dr. C was very, very kind. He thanked me for coming up there again to talk about my rare disease. He asked me several questions to determine if I was all right on a personal level, which I appreciated because I believe his concern was genuine.

He also asked a question I dread: Who brought you up here? Argh.

OK, I know it's risky, but I always try to drive myself. I cannot cope with burdening someone else with the task. It's a 7 hour round trip, sometimes 8, and that doesn't include the appointment, labs, lunch, or whatever. In other words, it's a long day. Since I ditched Airbnb, I'm no longer staying overnight in Jackson, so I drive straight there and straight home. It is hard. Not the driving itself, but simply sitting upright that long. It's painful, and always results in further muscle weakness that requires recovery time after returning home. I'm not putting anyone else on the roads in danger. I know my body. If I'm too weak (see: February), I reschedule. People may judge me for this decision, but I am hell-bent on being as independent as possible. I know it's just an innocent question, but answering it always unnerves me because I have more issues than Sports Illustrated.

Anyhoo...

He said he wants to bring awareness of Primary Periodic Paralysis (hooray!) and asked if I would come up there to be interviewed about HKPP in front of a team of doctors. I hesitated only because of my immense social anxiety, which I told him about, but I agreed that it was important. Sooooo he said he's going to call me soon to schedule this thing. I'm already scared, ha! But I know I need to help bring awareness of this horrendous systemic disease. I hope to God the nervous gibberish that will inevitably come out of my mouth does someone some good.

I have to say it's touching that my doctor looks beyond my boring test results. I don't take it for granted, and I wish I could teleport all of my HKPP friends to Jackson to see him. I went up there kind of sad, but left in a much better state. Empathy can make all the difference in a patient's life. I wish every doctor in the world understood that.

I'm so thankful mine does.

"there's a fire burning in my bones"

Health Update 3/26/18

Zofran is my BFF right now. This has been a rough week, but it feels like my digestive system is trying to wake up. I hope I'm right, but I'm remaining cautious. I eventually want to incorporate baked or braised seafood and chicken in very small amounts, especially in soups, but I don't plan to start that today. I do have a future meal plan lined up for when I am ready to transition.

It does appear that I will have to give up beef, pork, and cheese indefinitely. I've done enough research to know that all of the above are difficult to digest, and cause a lot of problems for Gastroparesis patients. I'm also going to have to break up with my boyfriend, Coca-Cola, once and for all. I'm already aware that I shouldn't be drinking it anyway, so save your sermons. I do plan to try a few soft, fat free cheeses to see if I can tolerate them, but it'll have to wait for now.

I ordered two cases of EAS Myoplex Carb Control from Walmart.com. They're Fed-Exing it to me, so I should have it all by Wednesday. Those shakes are pretty expensive, but my current liquid/soft diet has turned out to be too high in carbs (I've been monitoring this on My Fitness Pal over the last several days). EAS's Carb Control line is perfect for me, and they taste ok. If I find that I improve over the next couple of weeks on my lower carb liquid/soft diet, I'll do my best to budget in the shakes so that I never run out of them. I can't imagine them not making a difference.

In related news, my Lose It app informed me this morning that I was awarded the "Lost 10 pounds" badge. Needless to say, I don't recommend illness as a weight loss method.

In Muscular Dystrophy news, I'm still having random spasms, but nothing like the myotonic episode of doom from a few weeks ago. I do remain weak and haven't fully recovered from that, with my head, neck, and shoulders feeling heavier than they used to (and they were heavy before, thanks). I hope that with time, the heaviness will improve. I continue to push myself in ways that single people must: cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. and it is a struggle every time, but I survive and crash into my bed until I can get up again. That's all I can do.

I don't know if I'm going to make it to Jackson in a couple of weeks. Driving isn't really the issue, it's simply being able to sit up that long. Currently, I'm in bed most of the day, and I have to stay near a bathroom. But if I'm feeling better by then, I'll go.

That's all for now, I suppose. Fingers crossed that my digestive system kicks in again. And as always, I appreciate the prayers and well wishes.

The Big 4-0!

Well, it wasn't easy, but I made it! As I write this very sentence, the clock struck 9:29 A.M., and I have been an official member of society for forty years.

Mind you, I'm writing this in between Zofran-induced naps. I've been really sick this week, and this year, for that matter. If I want to be super honest, as ridiculous as it may sound, the last 30 years have been downright difficult. But I'm here, and that's a testament to my determination. I am usually hard on myself, but today, I acknowledge that I am a fiery, tenacious beast. Hear me roar, albeit, softly.

I've been thinking for awhile what I would write about today. I don't particularly feel like sitting here blogging in my current condition, but ninjas gonna ninj, so here I am.

When I was a kid, I remember a relative having a complete meltdown over turning the big 4-0, citing that she didn't want to "start looking old". My response to my mother later was that I hope I don't feel that way when I turn 40; I want to be grateful I made it that far. She agreed, and to her credit, was genuinely upbeat when her own 40th birthday arrived.

The truth is, I don't really like being a part of this chaotic world, but I AM glad I made it this far and I want to keep living as long as possible. The fact that I drove my miserable barfing backside to the unhappiest place on Earth - the emergency room - this week is proof enough that I'm not looking to croak anytime soon. I'm very matter-of-fact about my existence, and pretty much everything else. I don't have a problem saying that I'm in a lot of pain and that things suck more often than not, but that I'm thankful for whatever good I encounter in life and I'm doing the best I can to be a part of that good in return. I don't know how anyone can ask anymore of me than that.

I figured there is no sense in reflecting on four decades of illnesses, failures, or limitations. There are plenty, but they're going on the back burner in favor of the following gratitude:

• I kept my promise to my childhood self. I made it to 40, I don't care if I look old, and I'm not having a meltdown.
• I live in a country that is deeply flawed, but it allows me to make most of my own life choices.
• I am responsible for myself, and no one else. I wish I could be a real help to hurting kids, but I am so so so relieved that I didn't have children. These horrible genes die with me, baby.
• In spite of my anxious introversion, I have friends and family who care about me.
• With bravery and familial support, I made one of my dreams happen when I ran off to Florida and became a Certified Bob Ross Instructor. It's the craziest and coolest thing I've ever done, and it is the only moment in my life that I would rewind and live again if I could.
• Laughing till I hurt over stupid things on social media.
• Not counting neighbors who share a building with me, I finally reside alone. I love being alone more than I can express, and I could not be more thankful for any independence I have in my condition.
• On days I'm able to drive, I have a vehicle that gets me where I need to go.
• I'm not starving and I have a roof over my head.
• Thank you to the people who took my condition seriously and kept trying to figure it out until I had an answer and treatment options. We won't talk about the many who didn't.
• I may be the weird Aunt, but at least I'm an Aunt, lol. Those babies own my heart.
• I appreciate every person who opened their home to me over 25 years when times were hard or for any other reason.
• My students were the best. I'll never forget everything they did for me.
• After years of wishing and what-ifing, I went to college and studied art for a year. It was so hard, it nearly killed me. And even though I am not an artist today, it was still worth it.
• I don't envy a single person I know. If you're happy, that's fantastic. Congrats! But I don't want your possessions, your relationships, or any other facet of your life. I have zero interest. It's all yours!
• Empathy is both a blessing and a curse, but today, I'm glad it's a prominent part of my soul and I'm glad others have shown it to me as well.
• Happy Birthdays from all over the world every year.
• Being more educated than my degree (or lack thereof) implies. I have OCD and the World Wide Web to thank for that. No one can take what I've learned away from me.
• Celibacy is fabulous, and I couldn't care less who doesn't agree. The end!

OK, one more thing: you all put up with me. I mean it...God bless ya.

Sincerely,
Your Favorite Zofran Zombie Ninja Blogger

Not how I planned to spend my birthday week.

I spent the night under observation after a horrendous day with Gastroparesis. I had a contrast CT, blood work, and referrals back to Primary and Gastro physicians.

I'm home and pretty much camped out in the bathroom until this purging episode decides to resolve. They gave me some fluids to combat dehydration, and a shot of Bentyl to try to calm my stomach muscles, but this remains an ongoing situation for now. I'll get a three-day script for Zofran filled sometime today, which will hopefully make a difference.

Thinking forward, it looks like I was on the right track with a liquid/soft diet, but I made the mistake of trying solid food again, which caused a lot of problems. I may have to permanently halt the Muscular Dystrophy diet and switch solely to a Gastro diet to try to manage this, and just hope my HKPP doesn't get worse as a result. As I mentioned a few years ago, the usual prescribed medication, Reglan, is a major no-go due to triggering serious periodic paralysis complete with respiratory distress. So I'm sort of up a creek without a paddle, as I am with a lot of conditions that I live with.

My late MawMaw used to have a fun cup holder that said "THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I ORDERED".

I could not possibly concur more.

Gastroparesis Dieting to the Max

Things aren't going too well these days where food is concerned, so I've decided to try a liquid diet for a few days. #gastroparesis #secondary #systemicdisease #musculardystrophy

A post shared by KNB (@ugottafriend) on Mar 1, 2018 at 2:41pm PST

Rare Disease Day '18

I have systemic disease: conditions that affect multiple systems of the body.

I'm going to make this easy on myself and share links from Wikipedia.

The references are valid, so don't worry too much about misinformation.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periodic_paralysis

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypokalemic_sensory_overstimulation

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spasm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paresthesia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_pain

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastroparesis

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastroesophageal_reflux_disease

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidney_stone_disease

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tachycardia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertension

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_apnea

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomnia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Startle_response

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myoclonus

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_D_deficiency

I may have forgotten some things, but I tried to share as much as I could.

I'll reboot the medical blog soon. I get tired of talking about it sometimes.

At any rate, if you have questions or concerns, you may email me.

I won't promise a quick reply, but I'll eventually read and address it.

I've learned you never know what someone is really going through.

We only see the surface most of the time, so it's best not to be judgmental.

Thanks to those who bring awareness, and to those who stand by us through it all.

You're not the only one who noticed.

I have also noticed that I blog more often, not less often, when I'm sicker. Laptop computer for the win? It's the fact that I can't get up and out and do other things, I suppose, so I sit here and type.

I am doing better, though. I am still having a great deal of head-to-toe weakness and muscle pain from the myotonic episode of doom, but I am functional enough to drive to the grocery store and buy a sandwich (which is what I did today), so that is certainly an improvement over a week ago. I will need to improve more to be able to sit up long enough to go to my doctor appointments in Jackson. Right now, the window of functional time is small. But at least it's something.

No changes, therefore no further comment, on the gastroparesis.

My medical blog has been on hiatus, but I do plan to catch up on it soon. Apologies to my readers over there who check it regularly. I do have some things to share, but you'll probably see a lot of repetition as I will talk about some of the stuff that you've already read on this blog. I originally wanted to keep the two blogs separate, but it just hasn't worked out that way because this is my "life" blog, and my life resolves around my battle with systemic disease. That's just the way it is.

One of my blog readers passed away over the weekend. We were online pals for a few years, but he said some things a while back that I considered way out of bounds, and I cut communication. He still read the blog, to my understanding. I am truly sorry for his children, and I offer sincerest condolences. He was far too young for this to have happened.

I'm tired of people dying in general. I think my brain is shutting down, in a sense, because tragedy is happening so often that desensitizing is the only way to cope. It always comes out one way or another, though. Either I weep over a TV commercial or I curse at the self-checkout or something. I'm a HSP - Highly Sensitive Person - so it will always come out even if it's a delayed or atypical reaction.

I don't feel like sitting up anymore, so I guess that's all for now.

Improving (This post involves TMI)

I'm still in terrible pain, my head and shoulders remain heavy, and muscle spasms come and go. Otherwise, I'm doing a little better.

I drove across the street to the grocery store a couple of days ago to pick up bottled water and a few other things (I almost barfed from the pain), and I've done a little bit of walking around outside (the weather is a beautiful 70 degrees during the day right now, which helps immensely). I'm still living on ibuprofen and the occasional stronger pain med (a PRN prescription that I've had for years and almost never use). I'm eating pretty regularly, but my digestive system is still being a jerk and I'm having to medicate heavily in that department to force things to move in the correct direction. That's not doing my HKPP any favors, but HKPP is most likely the reason it's happening to begin with, and potassium isn't correcting it. I've upped my Magnesium Citrate dosage in hopes of finding some kind of balance. Believe me when I say nobody wants to be on Mag Citrate, but it's a daily supplement for me and has been for a long time. My acid reflux disease, which I've had more than 20 years, is also at its worst thanks to Gastroparesis. I awoke from a dream at 4 this morning where I was at the grocery store mulling over which antacid to buy, so even my subconscious is tired of this crap. LOL

I'm so cranky and exhausted from this misery, but trying to move forward and get better.

An Update

I'm mostly upright, but weak and in a lot of pain.

I've taken a shower, washed dishes, put something in the crock pot, and even gone outside for a walk a few times. It was so miserable, I thought I might pass out from the pain. My upper body is twice as heavy as it used to be. I feel very "top heavy", as if I'm trying to balance a giant bowling ball on my neck and shoulders. Unfortunately, the giant bowling ball is just my big 'ol head. I'm still nauseated, but trying to eat regularly and take my medications.

I've got a long way to go before I can consider myself back to my (quite frankly pathetic) version of normal, but I look forward to getting there. Because there is better than here.

I rescheduled renal clinic from early March to early April. Hopefully, I'll be up to traveling by then.

I've been passing the time by watching Pokemon TV and the Olympics live feed online. I'm obsessed with both. I'll return to my reading marathons after the Olympics. I have a lot of books to talk about soon; I've torn through quite a few since the last book post I wrote.

Facebook still makes me want to scream. Twitter is a realm of insanity as always. I occasionally remember that I have an Instagram and post something. I forgot about Tumblr and Words With Friends (until now, actually). I joined Reddit; still on the fence about it.

This goes without saying, but I'm really freaking tired of mass shootings, and I'm really freaking tired of lawmakers offering thoughts and prayers, accepting big donations, defending weapons of war, and doing absolutely nothing tangible about the crises of our nation.

I am in far too much pain to sit here anymore. Talk to y'all soon.

Things are bad at the moment.

I'm not going to go into major medical detail right now, but I have had a pretty bad episode, and I have been bedridden for several days. The pain was a 10 on the pain scale for a little while, as heard by my screaming and probably scaring the neighbors (hopefully they didn't hear me, but that's unlikely). I had my thumb on the button to call for an ambulance for a few hours, but I didn't go through with it.

I am, however, having to sedate myself to escape the extreme muscle pain I'm in. Most of my episodes are paralytic in nature, but sometimes my body surprises me with an episode of myotonia. This is what happened, which nearly resulted in passing out because of the location of the muscle; a vertical muscle running down the back of my head, neck, and shoulder blade. I haven't been able to turn my head since late night Friday. As of this morning, I can turn it about an inch. I have been successful in shuffling across the hall to the bathroom, and to pour water to take pills. Swallowing pills has been a battle...I'm amazed how challenging that is when you can't move your head at all. At any rate, I eventually get them down. Otherwise, I'm in a crumpled pile of agony on my bed, alternating between lying on an ice pack and a heating pad.

This episode is in addition to the bout of gastroparesis that was already making me sick. Gastroparesis is digestive paralysis, caused by a number of conditions. In my case, I assume, it's a result of muscular dystrophy (primary periodic paralysis, if you're new here). I ate a few pretzel chips yesterday. I'm drinking protein drinks today. That's all I've been able to do. My digestive system is a huge issue, and sometimes I think it's going to kill me way before MD does.

The medications I am currently on to deal with all of the above are making my body weaker (as I have complained about in previous posts...most medications aren't very safe for MD patients), but it's either take the meds right now and hope for the best, or find someone to put a bullet in my head. That's where I'm at. I'm being as cautious as I can, and it is a well-proven fact that I am safer at home than in a hospital subjected to protocols that don't acknowledge the risks of my rare disease.

In summary, some parts of my body are contracting too much, and some aren't contracting enough. If you know anything about that, you know that means absolute disaster. Thanks for thoughts or prayers or whatever it is that you do. I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll be back.

My subconscious self is far more creative than my conscious self.

I had a dream recently. If you are on my Facebook friends list, you already read this. I just wanted to post it here for future reference.

A little girl of about 3 or 4 years old would evaporate into stardust and travel in a stream of green light to other worlds, where she would observe and intervene in their perils. I don't know if she could speak, but she had supernatural abilities in these worlds. She visited what appeared to be the Aztecs in another dimension, whose civilization was saved by her, and she was rewarded by the King with royal/god status and chocolate. I remember seeing things from her height/perspective, most specifically, adults in robes and headdress, and a large, beautiful pyramid that was green with mossy life. The girl returned to her own world, where she lived as a little girl again until she was called by the stars. The last thing I remember, she was in her mother's arms and began evaporating into stardust again, her mother crying "Return! Return!" in hopes of stopping it, but she became a stream of green light and passed through a series of glass...things...I don't know what they were...and she was gone.

That's what I posted on Facebook as soon as I woke up. I decided to do some research, and my best guess on the glass things is that they were lenses.

The lenses were rectangular, however, and there was no refraction or convergence. The stream of light simply passed straight through multiple semi-transparent objects and disappeared into the sky.

Shutterstock

This is what she looked like when she evaporated and began traveling through the lenses.

RAUL

This is almost exactly what the pyramid looked like, except it was covered in green, healthy moss. I don't remember seeing stairs, but they could have been on a different side from the one the girl was looking at (again, I was viewing from her perspective).

That was one vivid, unexpected dream, and a welcomed break from the usual anxiety dreams and recurring nightmares. I'll take more of that, please.

© 2018 All Rights Reserved

Say hello to my little friend!

My aunt and uncle found out that I lost my car, and are loaning me one of theirs. I cannot express my relief! Mega thanks to them always for caring about my perils.

Systemic disease is kicking my butt, but I look forward to feeling well enough to hit the road again. I have errands to run, doc appointments to keep, and nieces to visit. God willing.

XO

Adventures in Minimalism 1/18/18

Winter cleaning and organizing is underway.

Here are a few things I've done over the last six weeks:

I tackled the kitchen junk drawer.

Photo 1: everything out and on the stove.

Photo 2: a drawer that's "Tuff & Tidy". :-)

I cleaned and organized my largest closet.

The hangers are turned backward to show myself what I'm wearing

throughout the year. What isn't touched in 11 months will be donated.

I own way too many dollar store shirts, but I do seem to wear them!

That's a huge pillow on the shelf. It says so right there on the package.

Except it's not. Wal-Mart is a capitalist realm of lies and deceit.

(See you soon, anyhow, Wally World. Whether I like it or not.)

Welcome to my basic white girl bathroom.

Someday, I'll have matching towels. But not today.

Today, I just need my entire world to be made out of that squishy bath mat.

(The bathroom closet is currently in progress. I'll post a pic of it someday.)

I made a pillow for my butt.

I have owned this Care Bears fabric for over a decade.

I finally put it to use and covered a stack of foam squares.

It's duct taped underneath because I'm a loser who can't sew.

I sorted papers, which seems to be a never-ending task.

I've got a problem with paper. I can't seem to get rid of it.

I don't think I've reached hoarder status, but it's a minor flaw.

(As opposed to my major flaws, of which there are many.)

I seem to constantly find random bags and baskets filled with

various papers and I wonder how it happened, as if I have pesky

gremlins stashing paper around my apartment after midnight.

Alas, the gremlin is a prematurely-aging crazy lady with paper issues.

Twitter Art Exhibit 2018

"Making A Wish"

Colored Pencil on 6" x 4" Bristol

2018 Twitter Art Exhibit

Stay tuned for details. :)

Diving Into Books

As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I had a goal of reading all of the books in my possession, and I also downloaded a ton of classic books from Project Gutenberg. In addition to that, I have the Hoopla and Overdrive/Libby apps so I can borrow ebooks and audiobooks from libraries. Thankfully, I have access to my local library as well as my family's library in Louisiana, so what I can't find at one, I can usually find at the other. It has worked out great, and I have read 30 books in 8 weeks.

I'm going to be talking about some of them here, or at the very least, list the ones I've read.

But before I go any further, here's my Goodreads account. If you happen to be on there, feel free to friend me to follow my progress.

What I've read since November:

The Shack

I recommend reading the author's interview/commentary after reading or listening to the book. It helps to explain some things. I thought it was ok, although I dozed through part of it. I am sure it made a great movie.

A Christmas Carol

I read it on Christmas Eve.

The Magician's Nephew

Who knew there was a prequel that described the creation of Narnia and the wardrobe? Apparently everyone but me. It was good.

The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

I love this story and it feels different now that I know the back story. I'll read the rest of the series soon. (I did watch the movies already).

For One More Day

Plenty of crying, just like the last Mitch Albom book I read.

Turtles All The Way Down

Absolutely fantastic book that I recommend to everyone. Everyone. Read it.

Sherlock Holmes: A Baker Street Dozen

Doyle was racist/prejudiced to a disgusting degree. That aside, I've always liked Sherlock and Watson. Hound of the Baskervilles is still my favorite after all of these years.

Marjorie's Three Gifts

The Secret Lives of Introverts

Much validation found here.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Nature

Idealistic nonsense. He writes pretty sometimes, but there's little substance.

Doctor Who and the Creature From The Pit

Heart and Brain

Heart and Brain: Gut Instincts

Heart and Brain is my favorite comic.

Eat, Pray, Love

I could say so many things about this book, but I won't ramble on. I think it's good that she finally became honest with herself about who she was, and made an effort to do something about it. I don't know whether or not she actually changed in the long run, but her journey was interesting enough to carry me through to the end. I appreciated her honesty in spite of not relating to her needs. I think she was lucky to have been given the opportunity to travel the world and write about it.

Murder On The Orient Express

Boring and racist. I stopped listening an hour in.

Emotional Intelligence

"In a 1985 study, blah blah blah..." over and over. Zzzzz. Disappointing.

Assaulted Caramel

Rated G and a fun read. I'll look for the rest of her books.

A Bear Called Paddington

I finally know who Paddington is.

The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life

Minimalism: Essential Essays

I'm studying minimalism, as per my 2018 goal.

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Sad and memorable.

Creative Journal Writing

You'd think I would have loved this, but I felt that much of it didn't apply to me. Maybe I'll use some of the writing prompts someday, but otherwise, it wasn't terribly useful.

Astrophysics for People In a Hurry

Meh, this wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be. He's kind of condescending. I felt the same way about Douglas Adams, so maybe it's an atheist thing. I think it's entirely possible to be atheistic without being an ass about it, but some people clearly didn't get the memo.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

This lady is overboard, but she has used her obsession to her advantage. Overall, I think her efforts are very successful.

How We Eat With Our Eyes and Think With Our Stomachs

This was a long audiobook and somewhat forgettable, although I will probably buy small red plates someday to test one of their theories.

Anne of Green Gables

I know very few people who don't love Anne by the end of the book. I am no exception. I thought she was a bit ridiculous in the beginning. By the end, I was crying and looking for the TV show.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

The grammar is seriously lacking in the first book, but this stuff is legendary. I loved the movies, even the ones that made me mad. I'm now on book 4. I'm reading the ebooks as well as listening to the audiobooks (which are very well done). HP fan 4 life.

In Progress:

Anam Cara

Fed, White, and Blue

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

The Golden Compass

P.S. - I don't get paid for anything I share here, ever.

January is the Monday of Months.

https://twitter.com/NWSMobile/status/948169013376487425

The wind chill in my town this morning was 9. NINE! On a Gulf Coast bayou!

Scoff all you want, Northerners, but this area is classified as humid subtropical.

We are not designed nor equipped for temps below 32 F, much less single digits.

Gotta love Sweet Brown. LOL

I'm ok, but this unusually hard freeze needs to buzz off as soon as possible.

Muscular Dystrophy doesn't do cold. My body thinks it's dying a horrible death.

New Year's Eve, 2017 Resolutions Review, and Other Thoughts

My 2017 Goals:

1. Learn to play the tin whistle

This is the one thing I failed miserably at. I've already explained why in another post.

2. Read all books and comics in my possession

ALMOST! I read all comics and most of my books. What I have left:

In progress:

Anam Cara by John O'Donohue

Fed, White, and Blue by Simon Majumdar

On the shelf:

Song of the White Swan by Aleta Boudreaux

Triorion: Awakening by L.J. Hachmeister

I read a ton in 2017. I'm proud of that, because although I'm an advanced reader, there are several factors (poor eyesight, migraine disorder with auras, and brain fog/ADD) that prevent me from enjoying it much. I'll talk about books (and audiobooks!) in further detail later.

3. Continue to declutter

While I admit anxiety and depression drove me to dive into some of these tasks, I feel that I've turned my art supply/storage room around. It wasn't awful, but I had stuff that needed dealing with, and I'm glad I finally tackled it. I gave a lot of things to the local homeless shelter thrift store, a little to relatives, and organized the rest.

4. Renovate Mac, backup files, and prepare for new system

Done! My fantastic friend Joanna gave me her old laptop and tablet because she wasn't using them. I love both and use them daily. What a gift! Bessie the MacBook, now the ripe old age of 8, has been downgraded to a storage facility. The Mac was an awesome system and well worth the discounted price I paid for it back when I was a teacher and student.

5. Organize and knock out art charity projects in progress 

Once again, I completed a piece for Twitter Art Exhibit and sent it to England. This coming month, I'll complete a new project for TAE and send it to Canberra, Australia. I always love being a part of this.

I had two other pieces and attempted to raise funds for a cancer charity in a more private manner, but no one was interested.

6. Tighten social media and continue to reduce public presence

This is the first thing I addressed on the list. I experimented with a name change, locked down some accounts, deleted others, and renovated one or two. I wiped out friend lists and started over. I installed an app called FB Purity, and shut down my news feed. Most of the process went better than I thought it would, although I eventually returned to my real name on Facebook. I'm still public in a couple of places (like here, obviously), but I am now in friends-only mode elsewhere. Even those folks can't see everything, but it's not an issue. I'm content overall with my decisions.

7. Take a watercolor painting class

I researched this for a long time, and finally chose Art Tutor, an art instruction company based in Liverpool, U.K. They have free tutorials, as well as very (I mean VERY!) affordable courses that cost little more than a lunch date. The content is thorough, and once you own it, it is download-able for offline use and yours forever. And let's face it - their fabulous "across the pond" accents make me smile. :-)

8. Figure out MawMaw’s seafood gumbo

I am so happy that I finally accomplished this. Gumbo is important in my Creole-Cajun family, and I miss my MawMaw and her awesome food. (Side note: I also nailed her roast beef and gravy.)

~

While I completed most of my goals, this year was pretty rocky. I lost three loved ones, battled systemic disease to little avail, and existed in a constant state of anxiety, pain, and exhaustion. The sadness has been overwhelming at times. 2017 was supposed to be a year of "allowance", a word I chose and wanted to embrace. However, it was more a time of analysis, devastation, and aggravation. As always, I hope the upcoming year will be better. In spite of the cesspool of current events. In spite of my pain and many ailments. In spite of myself.

If it wasn't obvious, I'm a list fiend. I'm forever seeking something to look forward to, as well as something to keep me productive.

Thus, my 2018 goals are as follows:

1. Stick to the diet most ideal for my systemic disease.
2. Read more and write more, with frequent updates.
3. Study minimalism and document my ongoing effort.
4. Sort all paperwork for storing or shredding.
5. Spend less idle time on the cray-cray interwebs.
6. Either utilize art supplies, or get rid of them (yikes).
7. Find effective methods for managing stress episodes.

As always, I'll spend some time explaining each goal in detail at a later date. May 2018 be a safer, healthier, happier year for us all.

3:30 A.M. Brain Dump

I must have been dreaming, because I awoke just now thinking that I needed to talk to my mom about a charity run by a friend. I knew they would get along very well because they held the same views, and I hoped Mom would support the charity (an orphanage for special needs children).

When I was fully aware, I remembered Mom is gone and I "unfriended" the friend on social media earlier this year. I still receive email updates from the charity regularly, so I guess that triggered the dream or whatever this confusion would be called.

I think about the fact that my parents are dead and wonder when I got so old, but the reality is that they'd still be here if they hadn't been such difficult people. Even my stepfather acknowledges that, and he worshiped my mother. I'll never get them, and I strive to be nothing like them, but I will always miss what could have been.

Just a 3:30AM brain dump for the sake of sanity. Nothing to see here.

Today Is The Day For... #1 (Carpe Diem Journal)

Today is the day for preparing for Christmas.

It doesn't feel like Christmas. Two loved ones have died within seven days of each other. I missed my student/friend Mark's funeral because my car isn't running well. It hurts, because I know he would have been at my funeral had it been me to die first. He was too young, and I'm sorry for his family.
Zollie, my brother's father in law, was the sweetest man you'd ever meet. He told me only a few weeks ago that he had "adopted" me as one of his girls. I told him I was honored. Now he's gone. The funeral is the 27th. I don't think Christmas will ever be the same. It certainly won't for his real daughters.
My stepfather has the flu, but is thankfully recovering. I panic when I think about losing him someday. Sometimes my anxiety and depression barge in when I think about it. I'm trying to tell myself to stop grieving over people who are still alive. I'm grateful he's here. I don't see him much anymore, but I'm glad he's doing ok and living his life as he wishes.
It's 3 A.M. so I guess I will try to nap before cooking for tomorrow's Christmas dinner. I don't feel like celebrating, but those who have gone from this Earth would want me to.

Family Loss

My sister-in-law's dad, the sweetest man you'd ever meet, told me on Thanksgiving that he had adopted me as one of his girls.

Last night, he collapsed and died.

Zollie will be missed terribly, and I was honored to be his "adopted" daughter.

Another Friend Lost

From a class in 2010

At my art show (I don't remember the year)

I am heartbroken to learn that a student and friend has unexpectedly passed away. He was the first person on the doorstep of my classroom on day one, and was loyal to my last day and beyond. He was the most friendly and content man, and it was because of him that I was able to instantly put aside my social anxiety to teach the joy of painting. His presence and his smile were a comfort to me and undoubtedly everyone who knew him. He loved his family and his church, served his country, and was a volunteer in storm relief and Heaven knows how many other charitable efforts. He has left an impact on this world, make no mistake of that. I will be forever grateful for his warmth and support through the last decade of his life on this Earth, and he is already missed.

Diet Complications

Low Oxalate http://www.upmc.com/patients-visitors/education/nutrition/Pages/low-oxalate-diet.aspx

Low Fiber https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000200.htm

High Protein http://www.todaysdietitian.com/pdf/webinars/ProteinContentofFoods.pdf

Fat https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-super-healthy-high-fat-foods#section2

Low Carb https://ketosizeme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Printable-List-of-the-Carbs-In-Foods.pdf

Low Sodium https://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/health-conditions-and-diseases/heart-health/low-sodium-foods-shopping-list

In studying the different diets I'm supposed to be on to control my systemic diseases, several of which are contradictory, it looks like I'm going to be limited to lean low-sodium meat, lemons, avocados, and the very few low-oxalate, low-fiber vegetables in existence. I may have to compromise concerning a few things. For example, cauliflower is low oxalate, but has fiber (fiber is wrecking my digestive tract...I'll post a medical blog later), so I will have to reduce my portion to a cup or less per day. I can't even eat spinach or fruit because they are foods high in oxalate, and fruit has the added issue of fructose. Back when I made those sports drinks with red/green powder (I even posted a recipe), I started having kidney stones again, and had to cease the red/green powder and juice immediately. It is something I've confirmed...the stones are definitely made of oxalate. That has thrown a huge wrench in my already-challenging meal plans. The one thing I've found that is approved in every diet I listed is avocados. It would be in my best interest to adopt them as my new BFF.

I don't want to eat the same few things every day, so I'll have to see how creative I can get with the list I'm compiling. Food shouldn't be this complicated, but I'm going to do the best I can.

Good Advice

A few pics from the last five weeks

This is Shady Acres Village located in Seminary, MS.
I always pass it on the way to clinic (and back).
Sometimes, I stop and buy a snack. It's a cute place.

I was depressed and tired of the condition of my storage room,
so I finally dove into the mess and organized it.

I got rid of most of the cardboard boxes, threw out some things,
and sorted some things to eventually give away.

I removed these tables from my living room and put them in the
storage room. It's looking a little bit like an art studio, which is nostalgic.
(I am "overhoused" and will be moved to a smaller apartment someday.)

GREATEST. TEA. EVER.

I have been really down and out with pain, muscle weakness,
and depression, but I wore my Henchwoman outfit and played
board games on Halloween. It was exhausting, but I had a good time.
(It's from Batman '66...The Penguin's Henchmen/Henchwomen)

Crimson Invasion launched on Pokemon TCG.

My pulls were pitiful, but I did end up with two Alolan Golem GX
so it could have been worse. I've become far too invested in this thing.

I almost hated cutting into this beautiful little Italian onion.
So pretty. I can't even remember what I did with it, to be honest.

My neighbors are nice and occasionally give me duck spring rolls.
They are very tasty. I like having Asian neighbors. Zero drama.

November will be consumed with NaNoWriMo, as usual, but I am also hoping to attend a couple of cheap events in the area that I've never been to. If I do, I'll share pics. My head is screaming, and my arms and legs are really tired and crampy, so I'm unsure about any plans. I mostly need to sleep.

NaNo is going great thanks to Google Docs' voice typing feature. I hope to reach 50K by Thanksgiving.

Talk to you soon.