A Better Person

I've been feeling like a thousand angry piranhas are chewing their way through my lower torso, but it was so beautiful outside, and I couldn't stand the thought of being confined to my apartment for another day, so I made the quick drive over to one of my favorite places: Bellingrath Gardens. I am lucky to live a mere 13 minutes away. I sat in the cafe and drank tea, watched the fountain, and pretended my insides weren't being stabbed by a dozen tiny samurais.

Photos don't even begin to do this place justice - especially my photos.

A fountain and a friend. :-)

The gift shop is nice. LOL

This is so cute.

In further rebellion, I went down the road to the park on Portersville Bay and sat for awhile.

This made me laugh. It said "Class of 2028" on the other side. Gotta love a kid's heart. I won't be birthing any myself, but I really love kids. They great.

While taking the pics, my muscles announced their impending meltdown, so I stopped immediately and made the 5 minute drive home, where effervescent potassium and my bed awaited.

Life has been turbulent for a long time, but it's not something I'll ever get used to. All I can do is propel myself through the day as I am able, or surrender as needed (because that's ok too, sometimes). After everything I've been through, learning to be kind to myself has proven to be a challenge, but I'm giving it my best effort. I can't help but wish I had understood 20 years ago what I do today; I would have avoided some trauma, without a doubt. I know I still have plenty to figure out about me, but who doesn't? After all, we are all a constant work in progress, right?

One of my 2018 goals is to tackle my stress and PTSD, not only for the sake of my mental and emotional health, but physical as well. HKPP and stress are sworn enemies, and I have to do whatever I can to kick my escape response to the curb. Not just for myself, but for those I allow into my strange, silly, broken, passionate, intense, unpredictable world. I think most people don't really know what to do with someone like me who has both fire and ice in their soul, but I will always appreciate those who try.

I'll keep trying, too. I'll never stop wanting to be a better person.

Living, Learning, Growing

"If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don’t like. I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, but that doesn’t mean you got to stop living."


— Archie’s Final Project - Dir. David Lee Miller


Great words, and exactly what I’ve been trying to do. As much as I wish it was something that would happen overnight, I've discovered that redefining one's self is a process of revelation, learning, living, grieving, and growing.

It has not been easy, but it has been worth it.

I’ve outgrown my former self in many ways. I still have a long way to go, and I hope I never stop trying to be a better version of me, for the sake of sanity and humanity.

I keep reminding myself that it’s ok to outgrow others, too. I find myself clinging to them, because they’re what I know. But they’re hardly what’s best for me.

I have to do what’s best for me. Even if that means losing the people of my past. Even if that means losing everyone, and starting over.

Life Is A Journey

Life is a journey, indeed. For me, it's more like a roller coaster. People have told me that I have the worst luck of anyone they've ever met, and that drama follows me. Like it or not, they are correct. So I've decided that I'm going to ask Santa for a drama-free life for Christmas. I'm going to go to the mall and sit in his lap and everything.

Ok not really. Although maybe I should.

I love the inspirational photo above and felt that it was an appropriate beginning to this new blog. Over the years I've learned that life is fragile, and that when its all said and done, what will matter the most is this: Did I find my purpose, and did I make a difference?

This certainly isn't my first blog...no sir...I'm what is called a serial blogger, and I've been sharing the ups and downs of my roller coaster life online for many years now. Feel free to find my other blogs via google or other search engine. I'm quite easy to find, as I use the same username everywhere. Doing that is a great way to keep a person honest. This blog may bore you, intrigue you, inspire you, or annoy you. Who knows? Whatever the case, I am who I am and I'm ready to launch yet another blog. Look out, world.

Welcome to my roller coaster life, and thank you for following me on this journey.