Man, I always said I wouldn't be one of those people taking stupid bathroom pics, but here I am. LOL
I'm trying to figure out what to do next with my "Cocker Spaniel" hair. We'll see.
I made crab cakes one night, but I could only manage to eat one. The other three are in the freezer awaiting their consumption. I admit they're not my Aunt's jumbo lump crab cakes (which I am convinced are straight from Heaven), but they are darn good nonetheless.
The diet is a constant frustration. It's hard to know how to explain all of the trial and error I go through, and I know nobody wants too much info about digestive diseases. Just know my life is a frequent hell, and that I'm still attempting to find a balance with food. I'll elaborate another day.
I ran across this person on Instagram and her posts are so helpful. I recommend.
My little nieces send me valentines in the mail every year. God bless their mom. She's nailing this parenting thing, and I'm thankful she and the girls think of me. Zoey and Sadie will be big sisters to a little boy around the end of June, which is going to be so different, and also a lot of fun.
This is not a political post. It just made me laugh a lot. Chicken sandwiches, y'all. That's all they are. It's not that serious. (Queue my vegan friends ready to fight me, haha. Love y'all.)
Yeah, I ate this. It was glorious and sinful and dear God, the heartburn. Thankfully this debauchery is only available once a year. I don't do Mardi Gras despite the fact that I'm Cajun as heck. I love the food and artistry - hate the traffic and loud drunks. My grumpy protestant butt stays home.
My game is calling me out. No, in fact, I don't at this time. Thanks, Mr. Frank.
Friendship in middle age is complicated when you're always sick and live in a small rural town. I'm still learning this. I went to public school through 10th grade and even kept in touch with a few classmates after becoming home-bound the last two years of high school. I grew up with several male friends, and we were all close (although not romantic). Of course, those guys all went on with their lives, moved to different states, had families, as life often goes when you're not impaired by your health. I don't expect anything from anybody, especially them, but not having close friends anymore still feels weird to me. It's been a while since I've met a truly kindred spirit.
I'm fine, and actually prefer, being alone most of the time. But as I've said often in the past, it's not good to be alone ALL the time. So, I've been trying to figure out how to address that.
I've never liked dating. I'm not a traditional kind of woman who wants to be swept into a fairy tale scenario that involves being taken to a nice dinner, given gifts, and treated like a trophy in exchange for physical affection and an eventual proposal. None of that sounds right. If it's in a romance novel, the chances are fairly high that it will nauseate me. It is not who I am or what I want.
But I do want something. I am in the process of trying to work this out in my head.
I decided to create a private page on my blog to type everything out. Once I am satisfied with the content, it will be available via administrative password, to men who are single and heavily screened.
That probably sounds ridiculous, but it's not. My life is difficult. There are things I am not at liberty to talk about publicly, and I will explain that on the page. One important issue that I can share today is that individuals with disabilities are harmed at a higher rate than average - physically, emotionally, sexually - and my condition, specifically, is a high risk. I will do whatever it takes to ensure that I never experience trauma again, even if that means being completely alone for the rest of my days. I will never settle again for an intimate friend who doesn't display consistent interest and concern for my health and safety.
I'm definitely not asking for people to be terrified or walk on eggshells. Nobody should live that way. However, spending quality time with someone who has serious medical needs requires a special level of patience and effective, empathetic communication. Respect is key. I'm sure that's obvious.
At any rate, I have no idea when the page will be published, but it exists. That's all I can say for now.
My schedule is reversed again. I'm in so much pain at night, I can't sleep a single minute, and end up dozing during the day. I read an article this morning about sleep deprivation and anxiety that described me well. I'll take it to my therapist whenever I can pull myself together enough to go back to her. Feel free to give me a (brief and not too harsh) hard time about this. Maybe it'll light a fire under me to make an appointment.
I'm slowly working on a post for Rare Disease Day. Talk to you then.
