March is here already.

And I'm behind on my blogging. I didn't start the year out too well where that is concerned. There is so much to write about these days that I'm overwhelmed, and I end up not writing anything at all. Mostly, I want to improve upon my medical blog and genealogy blog, but I keep dragging my heels. I will eventually tackle the tasks.

I've been extremely tired and in a lot of pain, and pushing myself to the point of physically crashing. I'm struggling with achieving a reasonable balance in nearly every facet of my life, and while balance is something I will always strive for, what I only want to do at the moment is sleep.

I returned to counseling today, and it amounted to a rant session about my limitations and my inability to deal with peers who've crawled out of the woodwork to support the terrible current events that have taken place over the last two years. People I've grown up with, or are related to, or have been friends with for years are suddenly bigoted, and in some cases, cruel. That has been a difficult adjustment, and it has made me question how I ended up in their realm. Most of the answers are obvious: was born into the family, grew up in that town and went to such and such school, and share certain general interests. In other words, we were compatible by blood or proximity. In a few rare cases, people simply changed, or they always carried such views, but hid them until now because they feel more comfortable letting their ugly flag fly. As for what to do with them, there's no real answer. I've already cut my Facebook down by hundreds, and I've ditched the majority of the family. I've learned through studying minimalism that it's not just about stuff. It's about people too, and how they affect your quality of life. In math terms, you can ask yourself the question "Is this person adding, subtracting, multiplying, or dividing?" I've seen some people even make a written list. Remember the old slam books from junior high? They were terrible, but not completely unuseful. When struggling with someone's presence, weigh their pros and cons. It sounds like solid advice, but it's a whole lot easier said than done.

Back to my limitations, I've been doing what I always do, and that's push myself until my body crashes over and over again. I live in HUD housing, which has to be kept in acceptable condition, and there's nobody here to do that except me. Even if there was someone else living here, I wouldn't be sitting around expecting them to do everything. I have to be able to operate my body. I have standards for my living conditions in addition to that, and I try my best to achieve it for the sake of my own sanity. I've never been diagnosed with OCD, and I don't think I qualify, but if the diagnosis ever arose, I would do nothing more than shrug my shoulders and say "Fine with me. At least my body isn't gross and my apartment doesn't look like garbage." And that would most likely be the end of the conversation, because it's my body and my apartment, so thank you, that is all.

My counselor suggested I find a local service for people with disabilities that offers to help me with cleaning and shopping. Except there isn't one. I live rural. None of the grocery stores that I shop at deliver here. There's also no restaurant delivery (not even Pizza Hut for heaven's sake), and the only people who offer to clean are locals who are unlicensed and looking for extra money. I'm not desperate enough to let a stranger in here around my medications and inherited collectibles (the latter will eventually find new homes, but that's another story for another time). I can't afford maid service. Family is not an option.

So there's little 'ol frustrated me with the frustrated muscles. I'm doing what I can, and overdoing it often, and paying the price. There's nothing normal about living with systemic disease, and it could be a lot worse, but it's not something that I can bring myself to accept, and that's where my head comes into this. I know how to acknowledge that this is my life. I don't have a choice. But to accept it is a step that I can't seem to reach. I don't know if I ever will.

I have no solutions, but I will keep trying to make it day by day, and continue to do the best I can with what I've been given.

Minimalist Apartment Update - December 2018

I love a clean and organized refrigerator.

I'm glad to say my kitchen is 100% decluttered.

My closet shelving is coming along.

And now, a special appearance by my Eeyore pajamas. :-)

Remember this post?

It's the end of the year,

so I tackled the closet!

This is going to the shelter.

I have empty hangers now, but still have plenty of clothing.

Thrift store shopping is my thing, and it is worth it.

I'll continue my efforts in 2019.

Thanks for following my progress!

Housing update, a little bit of artwork, and a lot of family

I'm back in my apartment full-time again, but I'm still having problems. I've put myself on a waiting list for smoke-free housing not very far from my nieces. Moving will be a logistical nightmare, considering my major medical needs and lack of medical care in Louisiana, but I don't know what choice I have at this point. I haven't been able to find housing where I really need to be, which is Mississippi. If I could figure out how to move back there, my doctors in Jackson would be my primary physicians, and life would possibly be a little less difficult. Unfortunately, Mississippi doesn't want more poor people moving there, so they make relocation from out-of-state almost impossible. I was on a waiting list on the Mississippi coast for years, and they continued to push me down the list until the chances of ever getting into housing there were nearly zero. In-state residents needing housing take priority, and there's no arguing with that. It may be a year or longer before there is an opening in Louisiana, so I'm stuck in my current apartment for a pretty long while. In the meantime, I hope something significantly changes for the better. It's the only hope I have.

I've continued my non-credit drawing course, and worked on a few independent projects as well. Here are a couple of them:

Full contrast ink design of Satine from Moulin Rouge

It was about a nine hour project.

Here's the beautiful video reference!!

30 minute gestural study of a Francisco de Goya

etching from his bullfighting series

More art will be shared soon on the other blog.

My older brother got married, and the wedding was perfect. This is the only photo I have of myself with my sibling tribe and their spouses and kids. Just missing my nephew Asher, and of course our deceased brother Max. Look how big the girls (Sadie, Zoey, and Jo) have gotten! Valerie too, who is graduating from U of Alabama soon. Funny that my cane is photobombing at the bottom of the pic.

I'm still waiting for a copy of the wedding pictures, so here's some stupid selfie nonsense. :P

I could barely move by the end of the night, but I survived.

I've spent a lot of time in bed since then.

MDA clinic in Jackson is Tuesday, so I'll blog again soon.