Half a year of loss

I haven’t known what to write lately. I’m overwhelmed and feeling somewhat numb at times in an attempt to cope with a lot of loss. In a matter of six months, five people I loved have died, and one more is suffering greatly.

The ones I have not mentioned here yet:

Kate McGinity, who died of cancer at age 40

Sabrina Garza, age 42, died after recovering from a stroke

I had known both for nearly two decades. Lorna and Tressie, I had known just as long. And of course I knew my uncle all my life.

It is hard to move forward when death surrounds you, and you yourself are so ill. How do I describe feeling like I could be next? I admit I think it should have been me because they had much to live for and I don’t. But I also don’t want to go, even when my mind and body tell me (over and over again) that my time is up.

It’s a harsh existence, yet I have to be OK with being here. Rest assured I’m always trying to be better. I’ll never not try, despite how weary I am every day.

My memorial tree, which I inherited from my uncle, will end up being a year-round tribute to loved ones, I think. I’ll share photos on a better day.

Goodnight