I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Health Assessment 10/7/18

I took a health assessment on one of those blood pressure, heart rate, body mass index machines in August of last year, and I remember being pretty upset over the results.

Today, I went to the same machine and did it again. The results are better now.

My weight and BMI were lower, my blood pressure was great, and my heart rate was a little better than usual. I still need improvement, obviously, but I'll never be "normal". Anyone who expects that of me is not living in reality. I frequently have to remind myself of that fact, and I will remind others if necessary. My doctors haven't really brought up my weight other than general documentation stating that I'm "slightly overweight". That's fine. The assessment's #1 tip on the right side of the screen is the same as it was last time - mental health should be addressed. Since I'm honest in answering their questions, that was no surprise. I have PTSD, anxiety, sleep disorders galore, and dealing with my failed physical health has been no easy task. Nor has being forced to exist for the rest of my life in gov't housing on SSI.

I found a low-income counseling center, and I plan to apply for financial aid next year. I don't have any money whatsoever to invest in it right now, and probably won't for a while. I know I need to take care of my mental health, and I will do what I can when I can.

As for my wrecked body, I'm at a loss at this point. I'm battling systemic disease every day, but I'm weak, exhausted, and in terrible pain. I feel like I'm losing the war, so I guess I'm going to fight until I drop dead. I don't know. What's the alternative?

"Keep Calm and Carry On" is a lot easier said than done, but I'm trying.