I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Sunday, September 16, 2018

September 2018 (with pictures)

Welcome back, readers.

The drawing course is going well, I guess. I'm learning some things.
Sitting up in a desk chair hasn't been working out (muscle weakness)
so here's my current setup in the living room. Lots of pillows involved.
I'm considering just moving it all to my bed, but I'm trying not to.
As I mentioned last month, drawings will be posted on the art blog.

(Edit Note: This was uploaded before problems with my apartment arose,
and I decided to leave it on the blog. I'll resume drawing when I am able.)

My minimalism efforts have continued in September.

I finally tackled my worst (scary!) closet.
Trust me, it was absolutely embarrassing.
I feel much better now that it looks like this.

I use a disturbing amount of plastic,
but it goes to the recycling center.

I spent some time back at the apartment
deep cleaning the kitchen and dining room.
It was painful, and didn't improve the issue with
the neighbor's cigarette smoke, but I'm glad I did it.
(HKPP was also an issue. My butt was kicked for days.)

This made me laugh out loud.

I've been living on soup, chocolate milk, frozen coffee, and noodle dishes for quite a while now, but sometimes I still try to tolerate solid food. I stayed at my brother and sister in law's house a lot since I couldn't breathe well at home, and I ate far too much real food there. It was good, but I paid the price for sure. I can't stay on the Gastroparesis diet forever and be able to use my muscles to their potential (they are much weaker than average already), so I have to keep trying.

I've made some Asian and South American dishes recently, but this month, I returned to my obsession with Italy. Years ago, I studied Italian cuisine using online courses and blogs written by regular people in Italy that I used a translator to read. If you really want to learn the way people cook in other countries, that's the best way to do it (as opposed to American TV cooks who pretend they're from another country...don't even get me started). Anyway, you know by now that I'm neither a Chef nor a Photographer, but I'm going to share a few pics.

Caprese is normally a salad, but I turned it into a sandwich. :-)

Squee! This was my best shrimp scampi yet!

Wow at the work that went into this Amatriciana,
but it turned out perfectly. I only wish all of those
tomatoes had resulted in more than 1 2/3 cups of it.

As I said, none of the solid food is going that well. I'm doubled over with my stomach daily when I consume more than soft, liquidy things. Occasionally, it's bad enough to bring out the phenergan. I don't take it often (in addition to its usual side effects, it wipes me out with HKPP). My conditions are downright unbearable at times, and I don't think I'll ever accept my limitations. I'm trying to stay afloat both physically and mentally, but it's not easy. Some days are better than others.

I wish I could run a food charity...a soup kitchen or food truck or something. It's a completely irrational and impossible idea for someone with my disability, but I think about it all the time. I'm depressed that I don't do enough to make a difference. As the office manager recently told me, I can't stand people but I love humanity. Funny, but he's absolutely right. I struggle greatly with the state of the world and the people in it. I get so angry, but then I just feel sad because there's nothing I can do to change things for the better - for myself or anyone else.

I'll always wonder what I could have accomplished had my conditions been properly treated in my younger years. I'll never know, and I realize there is no sense in mulling over it.