For Trade: Head. Approximately 8 pounds, possibly fatter. Eyes don't see very well, but enough to get by. Mouth attached is anatomically small, but packs a punch when necessary. Carnivorous, but not cannibalistic. Sinus cavities are a bit wonky, and ears would have benefitted from tubes in their youth, but alas. The brain inside likes to repeat nightmares and scream in piercing agony for no known reason. It also fights sleep to an unruly and miserable extent. Kind of useless. In fact, I'll rescind my trade offer and give it to you for free. Just take it from me already.
No phone calls or solicitations, please.