Thursday, April 28, 2016

Goodbye April: A Stream of Consciousness

April is a hard month, and I'm glad it's almost over.

To be honest, April, May, and June are all hard months.

My migraines are back with a vengeance in addition to my usual chronic muscle pain, and it's difficult to cope with life when in severe pain head to toe around the clock. Not to mention the sleep deprivation, which I believe is slowly consuming me. I'm just so tired.

Although currently in physical and mental turmoil, I still believe I'm doing the best I can.

Sometimes, I think a big hug would be helpful.

Then again, I'm in too much pain for that.

I've made a to-list for the next several weeks, which includes renovating some of my blogs and getting rid of others. I'll let you know what I've done after I've done it. I don't expect this blog to change much, if at all.

I actually have quite a few blogs. Some have been neglected, like my food blog. Maybe I'll bring it up to date and share the link. I'll think about it. I also have a lot of updating to do on the art blog, as well as the Etsy store. I may put a few things on eBay as well.

Camp NaNoWriMo is pretty much over. I exceeded 10K and added it to my previous totals. I write a lot of nonsense and notes in addition to the actual manuscript, but once I'm done, I do expect the finished product to be novella-sized. I've got to get more sleep so I can focus on this.

I have several art projects planned as well. But first, I am spring cleaning the apartment. My closets are beginning to look like closets again, so that's kind of exciting. I must really be getting old to feel good about the condition of my closets.

I still haven't had a Coca-Cola since Mardi Gras. I want one every day, especially with these migraines, but I have resisted so far. I do drink a lot of tea.

Renal clinic is coming up. I may have a driving buddy. Hopefully that'll work out. I haven't hung out with her in many years. The trip to and from Jackson will give us plenty of time to catch up. It's Cinco de Mayo, so hopefully I will feel like stopping somewhere along the way for some quick festivities.

I've got to figure out my diet. It's a bit rocky, and my weight is at a standstill. As long as I don't gain, I won't freak out. I do have 15 lbs or so to lose, however, and that sounds so easy, but it seems to be one of my biggest challenges. Being on a high protein, fat diet is the culprit, as well as my inability to properly exercise with Muscular Dystrophy, but I am still holding onto hope for a solution.

I've resigned from American Christianity until further notice. Sorry for not elaborating a while back when I said I was going to. It hasn't been easy to write about. Still theist, but I will not associate with jerks who are dead set on mistreating those who aren't like them. I have family and friends suffering because of this, and my own story is long and painful. I will tell it eventually.

I finally installed curtains in my apartment after a year and a half.

Midori the Gypsymobile is suffering a bit. I hope she hangs in there for years to come, but she's definitely slowing down. God bless my big 'ol Buick.

I've reached 1100 questions on Ask. I have a feeling I've blocked one or two of my askers, so things are pretty quiet these days. At any rate, if you want to ask questions, feel free. I still check it fairly regularly. The only things I don't talk about are sex and specific relationships such as an ex, relative, or friend. Getting that personal crosses the line.

Every time I say I'm going to take a break from Facebook, I end up not doing it because I'm a loser with no willpower. Sometimes, I post even more than I did before I said it. I should probably stop saying it now, you think? I really am going to take a break, though. Maybe.

If my health hadn't plummeted, I would be obtaining my first of two Masters this month. College nearly killed me (literally), but I miss it and I miss planning my future. I was proud of the goals I had laid out.

I wish I were well so badly. I don't understand people who say they embrace their disease or are somehow thankful for it. Screw that. Systemic disease has robbed my life. I live far too alone, in far too much pain, with far too many limitations to sugar-coat this. It's hell, and I don't think I should be judged or criticized for feeling that way. I've never been a ray of sunny sunshine wrapped in rainbows and butterflies, and I don't expect to morph into one in this lifetime. At least I'm real.

And I'm still very grateful for what I do have, in spite of it all.