I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Monday, February 22, 2016

Systemic Disease, Social Media, and a Serenity Prayer

Sorry it's been a little while. I've been pretty distracted lately, in some ways good, other ways not so good. Winter is very hard on me where my condition is concerned, and already being weak from my bad episode in December hasn't helped matters. I'm in a great deal of pain, but I'm doing my best to carry on as usual. For me, that means dozing off and on in between general maintenance of myself and my home. Cooking, cleaning, the usual boringness, but it's more difficult than usual (and the usual is that it's difficult to begin with...my muscle weakness is significant, if you're new here). I did have a few outings with friends and family this month, some of which you've already read about, but I'll share more soon.

I'm hurting, but I count my blessings, because I know how much worse off I could be. I've been there, and I don't ever want to be there again. I'm making it through life, in time. Some days, the dishes don't get washed and I have to try again tomorrow. Some days, I stay in my pajamas because I simply don't have the energy to shower and change clothes. Don't worry, if you've hung out with me, I assure you I've showered. You're welcome. I've gotten no writing or art done this month, but I've done some research and made lists of things to write and paint and finish and do when I'm able. Whenever that will be.

Most of my work has been on my social media life. I cut down some of my social networks, even deleting a couple of them. I blocked loads of people. Some, I'm sure were fake accounts. Others had been abandoned and there was no reason to let them linger. A few were blocked for reasons, none of which I will get into here. I'm glad I did it, and that's all you need to know.

This meme is a pretty solid reflection of me these days. I'm very tired in general, mind you, but especially tired of BS. There are things I am forced to live with that I cannot change. Dealing with those things is hard enough, so the last thing I need is fabricated drama. I'm not supposed to be under any stress. I've had to choose to make my health and well-being priority #1, and my lifestyle - both the decisions I've made and elements that are beyond my control - are a reflection of that. I'm reminded of the "Serenity Prayer". I don't have a clue where it originated, but I've seen it all my life: 

I guess you can say I'm learning what I can change, and finding the courage to make those changes. It will be a work in progress till the day I die, I imagine. I've yet to accept the things I cannot change, and I am not confident that I ever will, but I do wish for the strength to handle those things appropriately, at the very least.