I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Friday, June 26, 2015

Another friend gone too soon.

I've been dealt a harsh dose of perspective this week. Wendy and I attended the same church for awhile and volunteered at the same organization. My age, married with a 9 year old and a 5 year old, she just passed away of acute kidney failure.

I may be dealing with systemic disease that's leading to chronic organ failure, but here I am two states from home, slow-dancing in the living room with my 6 month old niece singing "You Are My Sunshine", and Wendy just said goodbye to her husband and children.

There is absolutely nothing fair about that.

Monday, June 22, 2015

10 Years

Divorce Day Fiesta

After nearly two years of separation, private legal servants, multiple court orders, and unspeakable amounts of stress and illness leading to gallbladder failure and surgery, my long-awaited divorce was final 10 years ago. Despite shaking so hard I could barely speak to the judge, it was one of the bravest and happiest days of my life.

If you're in an unhealthy relationship, I urge you to love yourself enough to examine the situation and make whatever decisions necessary to bring yourself and any dependents you may have out of the darkness and into a place where you are safe and sound. People love to throw the phrase "safe and sound" around, yet many don't fully grasp the concept. Look up the words and ask yourself "does this apply to me?" If it doesn't, you've got some choices to make. It may seem impossible. It may be terrifying. But for your own sake and anyone else involved, you must stand up. Even if no one else is standing.

I've been alone ever since, by choice. While I have difficult days facing a physical handicap and serious illness solo, I came to the sad realization that I always was alone in this battle, regardless of my marital status, and I wake up every day operating in "relief mode" that I not only survived such a turbulent existence, I am more free today than I have ever been in my life. FREE. Systemic disease be damned, even it can't take that away from me.

I wish you were all here to celebrate with me. I love my friends so dearly, and interestingly enough, the majority of them are married. I take pride in being a trustworthy friend to those who allow me in their lives. I wouldn't trade these people for the world (I hope you know who you are...yes, you too).

I understand my circumstances happen to be out of the ordinary, and marriage isn't easy even when things are going pretty swell. To those who are in healthy relationships, please know I am sincerely happy for you, and I hope to God you make it.

Article: Sodium Potassium Pump & Skeletal Muscle Activity

A pretty extensive review of the NA+-K+ pump via American Physiological Society here:


Relevant to anyone with Periodic Paralysis or other Muscular Dystrophies/Channelopathies

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Baby Sis

My youngest sis visited the area for the first time in 2 years.
Glad I was able to crawl out of bed to have dinner with her.
She's doing admirable things in Ypsilanti, Michigan.
Getting her Masters in Military History. Proud of her.

On Friendship, Love, and Heartbreak (via Brain Pickings)

Fantastic and admittedly appropriate read on friendship, love, and heartbreak. Brain Pickings is such a great blog.

People may think that just because I've chosen single life that I don't fall for people.

Couldn't be further from the truth. My feelings haven't changed a bit, and nothing is wrong with having feelings. We're made to feel.

Actions are where the problems arise.

As the article states, everybody knows heartbreak in some form no matter what path they're on. It shouldn't be so taboo to think and feel. It's all part of the human experience, like it or not. We can fight it, but ultimately we have no choice but to accept it. It's in our blueprint.

Easier said than done, but we need to allow the same grace for ourselves that we extend to others. We can do so by allowing ourselves to feel what needs to be felt in order to learn, grow, and move forward more mature than we were before.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Test results

Kelli - 2

Cancer - 0

I win again, jerkface.

Now I can focus on the rest of my failing body.

Very sick right now and not coping terribly well. Talk to you soon.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Today's clinic

Internal medicine clinic didn't go well.
I arrived feeling very ill, and they took me seriously.
Lab results were randomly abnormal.
Major concerns about my digestive tract. Had a radioactive test to look for cancer-causing bacteria. If it's positive, I'll have a very unpleasant road ahead, to say the least.
I'll know more next week.