Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Unexpected Hospital Stay

I went to the ER on Friday. You know if I do that, it must be bad because I hate ERs with a passion. I was hospitalized until Tuesday evening. It went much better than usual with the exception of a few medication errors that resulted in an HKPP decline. They handled it as well as they knew how, and I'm doing fine other than the usual pain that they have no solution for.

I met with a social worker while there. She signed me up for grief counseling, and they said they would try to help me find public housing.

I have a couple of doc appointments coming up - July 1 with the counselor and July 3 with a Gastro specialist. I'm already anticipating an upper GI, and I don't know how this is going to be handled with my HKPP being as bad as it is these days. So risky. Incredibly risky.

Guess we'll see what happens.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

What's Next

I have been having severe abdominal pain and breathing problems for quite some time, but it has gotten a lot worse lately. I tested negative for endocrine infection, so something else is going on.

I have been having so much trouble breathing at times, I feel like I'm smothering. I've burst into tears more than once from the pain of simply trying to take a breath, and I often can't finish a sentence or phrase without losing air altogether and feeling faint.

I finally noticed that it is a lot worse after eating or drinking, and I put two and two together. I've had a hiatal hernia for over a decade, and it has most likely become obstructive.

What makes this so difficult is that I cannot safely have surgery. With my HKPP weakness being so severe, and my diaphragm/esophagus/lungs already compromised, the risk of death under anesthesia is very high. I have no idea what's about to happen to me.

Now waiting for a GI referral. I'll keep you posted.

Edit Note 6/18: Physical activity makes my breathing a lot worse, too. I almost passed out in Target today. I'm headed to the ER if this gets any worse.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Sweet Retreat

"Sweet Retreat"
15" x 15" Colored Pencil

I purchased all of the candy from Cracker Barrel. Part of the bag made it into the still life, so I decided it would be a tribute to the restaurant. That was four years ago. Serious illness and crappy motor skills kept me from it for a long time. I started having significant breathing issues recently, and I told myself I would finish this thing if it was the last thing I did. So it's done. It was my first (and currently only) color pencil project. I've received some nice feedback from friends, family, and even a couple of gallery owners, which was very encouraging. I hope that I can beat this disease somehow so I can fully return to my art. I still have so much to learn, and so much to do.

Friday, June 6, 2014


Even though I don't want to. What I want to do right now is give up.

A great deal is going on with my health, both physically and otherwise. None of it good. I don't feel like talking about any of it at the moment, but I will eventually. For now, I am trying to stay busy. Trying to keep breathing. Trying to convince myself to wake up each day and continue on.

It's not what I feel like doing, but I know it's what I have to do.