I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Monday, June 10, 2013

And this, folks, is why comments are moderated.

Dear "Alan",

I've decided to follow up on your "Kelli's Q&A" comment with a Q&A just for you.

Q: What do breast implants have to do with HKPP?
A: Nothing. Whatsoever.

Q: Who in their right mind would have implants when they're already full figured, and with a backache to boot?
A: Not this chick, nor any sane chick I know. And by the way, unless you're targeting ladies who have never worn a bra in their lives, they know the difference between cup size and bust line. If they are "confused" for some odd reason, I assure you that you, sir, would not be the person they would seek counsel from on the matter. Mama, Sister, Aunt, Grandma, Cousin, Neighbor, or Mama's Sister's Aunt's Grandma's Cousin's Neighbor's former roommate. Not Alan. Nice try, bozo.

Q: Why do you keep insisting I consider getting implants? Furthermore, what makes you think I would go to the other side of the world to do so?
A: Clearly, Alan, you are a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. You're Looney Toons. Cray cray. Insane in the membrane. Loco. Nuts. Bonkers. Batty. Cracked. Cuckoo. Daft. Desperately delusional.

And you're crazy too.


PS - If you caught my Spaceballs and I Love Lucy references, you win the internet.