I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Saturday, December 31, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE! My 2011 Review and 2012 Goals...

Mercy, y'all. What a year it has been. Anyone who has been crazy kind enough to follow my blog in 2011 knows just how much my life transformed overnight nearly nine months ago. It has been a nightmare...the worst one I've ever known...but by the grace of God, I have survived it thus far.

I've gotten to the point where I no longer fully recover from my frequent paralytic attacks, and the MDA has given me no hope of doing so. It is impossible to accept this as my "new normal", so I continue to do what I can to learn about this disease and try to control and improve the symptoms. I am in my mid-30's. I can't give up, and I refuse to live in a prison of fear. There are days when I have no quality of life, but on the days I can function, I'm going to live with all that is in me.

Hard to believe it's the end of the year. In some ways, this year has dragged by (for the obvious reasons). In other ways, it's crazy to see that 2012 is upon us, ready or not. Every year, I give myself goals...resolutions, I suppose. And every New Years Eve, I review them and then make a new list. I'm a very serious "list" person, if you didn't know. Yep, I'm one of those.

That being said, it's time to review my 2011 goals! Drum roll, please...

1. Figure out what to do about my college degree, and make it happen.

I continued college and did very well considering my extreme decline in health. I am so happy I hung in there and didn't give up. I've completed 17 classes at MGCCC, 4 classes elsewhere, and have an overall 3.9 GPA.
I also decided on a new major, since I can no longer physically handle an Art degree. In 2012, I will move on to an online university where I will pursue Psychology and History. I'm more excited about this than I thought I would be...I really can't wait to dive into the curriculum!

2. Road trip out of state to visit family and meet my new niece due to arrive in March!



3. Increase and become more organized in my teaching business.

This sadly came to a halt thanks to debilitating, life-threatening episodes of Periodic Paralysis. My life hasn't been the same since, but I hope and pray to return to some form of teaching in 2012.

4. Decrease my debt, whatever it takes.

Needless to say, this has been impossible as I have been ungainfully unemployed since April. I am surviving on the charity of family and friends, and I am eternally grateful for the help I have received. This has been a long road and there is no end in sight, but I am doing the best I can.

5. Put a dent in one of my manuscripts...article, short story, fiction, non-fiction...who cares! Just work on something!!!

I worked on a couple of new blogs (yet to be launched) and began work on my first eBook - IF I HAD A MILLION BUCKS. I still have a cornucopia of manuscripts on the back burner, and I hope to be able to put a dent in at least one of them once I am finished with my current project.

6. Remain honest and aware, pray, and strive to improve myself each and every day.

Well, this goes without saying. It has been one of the worst years of my life. However, as long as I am breathing, I will strive to remain true to myself and others.

And now, my goals for 2012...wish me luck!

1. Wrap up my time at MGCCC and successfully (FINALLY, PLEASE) move on to university.

2. Publish my first eBook.

3. Return to teaching and working, God willing.

4. Complete all art, craft, and charity projects currently pending or in progress.

5. Become more organized in my home and daily life.

6. If I start something...no matter what it is...finish it!

And as always, I have four goals that I call "Mainstays", because they are the same every year:

7. Reach/maintain my ideal weight and keep my health under control as much as possible. Easier said than done, but I will do my best.

8. Stay involved in one or more charities/ministries. It gives me a reason to live.

9. Read more, write more, and learn more. This is thankfully inevitable, as I am in college!

10. Be a good friend/relative, and strive to improve myself every day.

May 2012 be a better, healthier, happier year for us all.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


I found this little one in the yard, unable to move.

His eyes were scratched out and his legs were limp.

I walked up very close to him (but was careful not to let him touch me) and he tried to move but couldn't.

He started shaking, so I stood there and talked to him softly until he stopped.

He then leaned over and started playing with his tail, and my heart broke because I knew there wasn't a thing I could do to help him.

All I could do was accept that this was a wild animal who got in a fight with another wild animal, and lost. :(