Wednesday, August 10, 2011


I discovered yesterday that I'm 1.5 lbs to goal weight. As always, this is the result of being very ill. While I'm happy to be nearing the weight that's ideal (health-wise) for me again, I'm never happy with how it happens. Nevertheless, I hope my condition will somehow improve and I can still keep the weight off. I don't count calories. I'm too tired. I have developed an extreme intolerance to many foods since my drastic decline...foods that I've eaten my entire life. It's really odd how my body is constantly changing in that way, and I hate it. I am having to nearly eliminate grains, tomatoes, and cheese, which are my three favorite foods. I have been lucky to find that Swiss cheese is naturally very low in sodium, so I can have that. It's sure not cheddar or mozz, though. I still have a lot of tomato-based foods in the cabinet and freezer, and I'll go ahead and eat those so I don't have to throw them out. I imagine I will still eat salsa in moderation, but I'll have to give up pasta and my whole wheat pizza pretty much for good.

This is of course the new development. I've had to eliminate a host of other foods over the past few months and years as well. At this point, I am pretty much reduced to low-fat, low-salt proteins and non-starchy vegetables. I still eat some grains and fruits in strict moderation, and to keep me from indulging in sweets that will result in HypoK attacks, I have given in to sugar-free goodies also in moderation. I drink nothing but water and tea, which I believe has been the biggest factor in my weight loss with the exception of ditching fast food. I've also cut down my portion sizes and eat only enough to take my meds (since I have to take them so many times a day, and supposed to eat each time). I still order from Gabe's, because I am good friends with them and I know they make everything as fresh and healthy as possible. For a little drive-in tex-mex joint, they are extremely health-conscious and I love that. Gotta have my taquitos every once in a while...a girl's gotta keep her sanity.

I am out of my mind, but I kept my college fall schedule. It is strictly online of course. I honestly can't afford to give up, and don't want to. So as soon as I return from Jackson, I will be diving into a year of Algebra and Humanities (Art History and World Lit) online through JC. Then it will be on to my Plan B (Plan C? Plan Z?) and transferring to university to major in Psychology, with a minor in Social Studies. I am actually really looking forward to studying Psych, even though it is not what I wanted to do with my life. The reality is that I am forced to attend college from bed, and if I manage to work again, it will also have to be done from bed. So the goal now is to get my Master's in Psych and teach Psych and Social Studies online at a community college level. I hope to have enough school funds left over to take some graphic design courses online as well through a continuing education module. I don't know how well I'll learn graphic design online, because I am a visual learner, but we'll see. Perhaps someone has photoshop, illustrator, and in-design tutorials on YouTube. I haven't even thought to look. Then again, I don't have Adobe on the Macbook yet so I'm not in a hurry. Hoping to eventually get my hands on CS5, despite it's ungodly price.

I'm liquidating art supplies and paintings to pay for meds. No sense in the paintings being stacked up in the way when people have inquired about them. Might as well make 25 or 50 bucks if possible. My potassium is over $100 a month and I currently have no income.

I put my Prismacolor drawing back on the table (yes, the one I started in drawing class a year ago). I opened my pencils and picked out the colors needed to finish it. I am still not able to draw as my arms are extremely weak, but I do want to try to knock it out sometime before I kick the bucket, please and thank you...