I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bugs are dumb, and other ramblings...

I got home right before midnight tonight...met with my sister about her wedding plans. I'm in charge of her invitations, and she has a heck of a guest list! It's going to be a cool wedding...sunset on Dauphin Island, with a reception at the Dauphin Island Sea Lab of all places! That's gonna be a blast. I can't wait.

So I sat down at my computer, and all of a sudden I hear *tap...tap...tap* on my window. It's midnight for crying out loud. I look towards the window and see nothing. A minute later? *tap...tap...tap* Ok now it's creepy. Why would anyone be tapping on my window at midnight. Probably a cat, or some punk kid playing a joke or something, I guessed. So I got up and went to the window. Then I saw it. *tap...tap...tap*

It was a bug. Throwing its body into my window. Multiple times.

Does it not grasp the fact that it's not going to get past the glass? Why does it continuously slam its body into my window, as if it's somehow going to achieve its goal (which I'm assuming is to come inside and have a snack) by doing this?

It finally stopped a few minutes later. It probably knocked itself unconscious.

Bugs are dumb.

So it's a little after 1 am now, and I'm going to take some meds and attempt to sleep. I'm having a very, very hard time with pain and weakness. I just can't seem to get any relief, but I've got to keep trying...praying...looking for a solution.

On a happier note, my plans for kids classes are almost done, and I will be presenting said plans to Hobby Lobby later this week. If this pans out, it will be a good thing. May God give me the wisdom and strength to make it successful.

Friday, March 20, 2009


In too much pain to sleep, but too weak to get much accomplished. I did manage to make queso dip and just took some lentil soup off the stove. Also doing a small load of laundry...time for summer clothes. I believe spring is officially here, and if you're familiar at all with spring on the gulf coast, you know it only lasts a few weeks before it becomes the sweltering six months of summer...April 15 to October 15. 80-100 degree (F) temps with 80-100 percent humidity. It's pretty much like clockwork.

I came to the realization the other day that I live life with a sense of urgency. These days, I get out of bed and rush to tackle as much as humanly possible because I know that my body is going to crash and I'm going to end up back in bed. When I'm functioning better than usual, I do as much as I can because history proves that it is only temporary. A mere window of living, in a lifetime of existence. I don't know how to get out of this "mode", because it's all that I know.

I'm feeling very troubled. Depressed. And more tired than words can describe.

I don't want to only exist. I want to live. And as much as I try to accept, and even redefine my life based on my circumstances and abilities, it just doesn't make sense.

I don't know how to make my life make sense.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Blessings on this St. Patrick's Day

May your troubles be less
And your blessings be more
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door.

~Irish Blessing

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I never dreamed that my name would be on someone's tattoo...

My brother Layton got a massively huge tattoo yesterday.

A Celtic cross in honor his siblings.

Names in order of age: Kelli (me, obviously), Kate, John, Suzanne, Seth, Max (in heaven).

The tattoo takes up the entire top half of his arm, as you can see.

It took almost four hours.

His arm is currently double-wrapped in saran wrap and tape.

He has to unwrap and treat it several times a day until it heals.

I nearly burst into tears. All I could say was "Holy crap! No way! Get outta town!"

Layton said he did it so that no matter where he is, he would always have us with him.

I'm speechless. Blown away.

The tattoo is INCREDIBLE.

But not as incredible as the man wearing it.

I am lucky to be his sister.