I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Monday, January 12, 2009

Dead as a dog gone doornail

My camera, that is. I was gonna share another pic/recipe, but it will have to wait till I can afford the lithium batteries that my little HP requires. From all the batteries that I've bought over the past two years, I could have bought another camera. But it would need batteries too, so...I guess I have no point.

I had a very, very disturbing time Sunday morning as well as this morning. Multiple nightmares as well as waking up on several occasions unable to breathe. It seems to be getting worse, and I suppose I will have to eventually go back to the sleep lab for another evaluation. Sleep Apnea runs on both sides of my family...lucky me...and I've been having symptoms of it for the past few years. It's getting scary, though, and I know that I will eventually have to find a solution. Just don't have the funds to pursue it right now, and don't know when I will. Where the nightmares are concerned, those are just ridiculous and need to CEASE. Had I known that I would be regularly haunted by my (now ended) marriage, I would have never gotten married to begin with. But that's only one of many reasons why I shouldn't have in the first place. Now I know. Lesson painfully learned. I wish my subconscious would move on.

Most of my dreams are dumb, pointless, and sometimes funny. They rarely make any sense. I also rarely remember much about them within hours of waking. It's the bad ones...the realistic, reoccurring ones that have a way of sticking with me, and frankly, I don't think that's very fair. If I had my way, dreams wouldn't exist at all. I'd much rather get some real sleep - total anesthesia they call it - instead of my mind writing bizzare fiction stories half the night and waking up exhausted. I mean, really. Give a girl a break, would ya?

In other news, I've applied for more jobs, one with a church, and I hope that I will hear from them. According to their website, they are involved in community service, and that is something close to my heart. I'd love to plug into a church in the area that is reaching out. I definitely need to get out of this bed and do some good soon. My health and finances are holding me back a great deal, but I hope and pray that will change.

Speaking of community service, I have decided on my major in the adult degree program at USA. It is a Bachelor of Arts in...drum roll please...Community Service! Ha! I didn't know there was such a thing, but there is, and this degree allows me to choose three or four disciplines to focus on as opposed to having a major and a minor. The adult degrees are more specific to a student's career goals. So I have chosen two disciplines that are definite: Studio Art (drawing, painting, ceramics, graphics) and Therapeutic Recreation (focusing on indoor recreation for the purpose of health and wellness). These two disciplines will allow me to be a)An Artist, b)An Art Therapist, and c)A Recreational Therapist. I could work in an art studio, mental health facility, retirement community, park or campground, resort, non-profit organization, nursing home, youth ministry, children's home...all kinds of options. My third discipline, I am still debating on. I have it narrowed down to Leisure Services verses Health and Safety. I'll talk about these two later on.

So it all boils down to money. I am going to apply for financial aid as soon as my W2s are in, and make sure that they know where I stand. If it's not paid in full, I can't go. It's that simple. They claim to have tons of assistance available, so hopefully they can make this a reality for me. So far, they have been very nice and helpful, and I can tell that they really care about me being a student there. HUGE difference in attitude between them and the other schools I've visited lately. It's always nice when you know that you're not just a number, right?

Well it's midnight and I've rambled enough. Sweet dreams to one and all.