I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,
but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.
— Douglas Pagels

Monday, January 26, 2009

Dear Mr. Spider:

First, I would like to extend to you my sincere appreciation for your life-long effort to rid the world of pestilence. I, for one, am grateful.


I don't feel that this gives you the right to share my shower. No offense, but I don't find you very attractive, and even if I did, I prefer to shower alone. No really...I do. Trust me on this.

So I hope that you weren't too upset with me when I smashed you into oblivion. And if at all possible, please shoot a little message to your spider cousins to get out of my kitchen, or they will soon join you. I'm sure you understand.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Under Attack

I am currently having an attack of Periodic Paralysis. I was diagnosed in 1998 and have been dealing with the condition off and on since age 12, way before my diagnosis. I am in a great deal of pain, and my muscles are very weak. I have permanent weakness as a result of the condition, but what is happening at the moment is considered an acute attack. Please say a prayer for me if you will. I would appreciate it. I'm seeing the doctor on Friday.

Here is a good explanation of Periodic Paralysis on Wikipedia

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Can't. Move. My. Body.

It takes every ounce of strength I have to make it through a class, but with the exception of one no show, today's workshop was a success. Every student signed up for the next class, and three of them signed up for multiple classes. I took my students down the Bob Ross aisle of the store and showed them everything that they need to make this method of painting work, as well as a few extra Bob Ross products, brushes, etc. that I personally recommend. They ordered them on the spot. These people are serious about doing this. The store is happy. I'm happy. In excruciating pain and can barely walk, but as usual the good outweighs the bad. I was in tears on the way home thinking about how all of this came to be, and what a blessing it is to be able to do it. I'm financially broke and barely physically capable of handling the work, but somehow it is still worth it. I continue to look for a second job and intend to complete my college education, but I hope that teaching Bob Ross workshops will remain a constant in my life. It is the one thing that I hope to do forever.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


My little brother Seth is FIFTEEN years old today! I was almost an adult when he was born, and now he's in high school. I can't believe that in 365 days, he'll be taller than me and licensed to drive...not his four-wheeler, mind you...A CAR!!! SAY WHAT?!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Dead as a dog gone doornail

My camera, that is. I was gonna share another pic/recipe, but it will have to wait till I can afford the lithium batteries that my little HP requires. From all the batteries that I've bought over the past two years, I could have bought another camera. But it would need batteries too, so...I guess I have no point.

I had a very, very disturbing time Sunday morning as well as this morning. Multiple nightmares as well as waking up on several occasions unable to breathe. It seems to be getting worse, and I suppose I will have to eventually go back to the sleep lab for another evaluation. Sleep Apnea runs on both sides of my family...lucky me...and I've been having symptoms of it for the past few years. It's getting scary, though, and I know that I will eventually have to find a solution. Just don't have the funds to pursue it right now, and don't know when I will. Where the nightmares are concerned, those are just ridiculous and need to CEASE. Had I known that I would be regularly haunted by my (now ended) marriage, I would have never gotten married to begin with. But that's only one of many reasons why I shouldn't have in the first place. Now I know. Lesson painfully learned. I wish my subconscious would move on.

Most of my dreams are dumb, pointless, and sometimes funny. They rarely make any sense. I also rarely remember much about them within hours of waking. It's the bad ones...the realistic, reoccurring ones that have a way of sticking with me, and frankly, I don't think that's very fair. If I had my way, dreams wouldn't exist at all. I'd much rather get some real sleep - total anesthesia they call it - instead of my mind writing bizzare fiction stories half the night and waking up exhausted. I mean, really. Give a girl a break, would ya?

In other news, I've applied for more jobs, one with a church, and I hope that I will hear from them. According to their website, they are involved in community service, and that is something close to my heart. I'd love to plug into a church in the area that is reaching out. I definitely need to get out of this bed and do some good soon. My health and finances are holding me back a great deal, but I hope and pray that will change.

Speaking of community service, I have decided on my major in the adult degree program at USA. It is a Bachelor of Arts in...drum roll please...Community Service! Ha! I didn't know there was such a thing, but there is, and this degree allows me to choose three or four disciplines to focus on as opposed to having a major and a minor. The adult degrees are more specific to a student's career goals. So I have chosen two disciplines that are definite: Studio Art (drawing, painting, ceramics, graphics) and Therapeutic Recreation (focusing on indoor recreation for the purpose of health and wellness). These two disciplines will allow me to be a)An Artist, b)An Art Therapist, and c)A Recreational Therapist. I could work in an art studio, mental health facility, retirement community, park or campground, resort, non-profit organization, nursing home, youth ministry, children's home...all kinds of options. My third discipline, I am still debating on. I have it narrowed down to Leisure Services verses Health and Safety. I'll talk about these two later on.

So it all boils down to money. I am going to apply for financial aid as soon as my W2s are in, and make sure that they know where I stand. If it's not paid in full, I can't go. It's that simple. They claim to have tons of assistance available, so hopefully they can make this a reality for me. So far, they have been very nice and helpful, and I can tell that they really care about me being a student there. HUGE difference in attitude between them and the other schools I've visited lately. It's always nice when you know that you're not just a number, right?

Well it's midnight and I've rambled enough. Sweet dreams to one and all.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Tagged: Eight things about yours truly

1. Throughout high school, I helped run a printshop. LOVED. IT.

2. I made a D in junior high school art.

3. I have a perfectly oval birthmark on my left leg.

4. I see 20/60 with corrective lenses. I'm blind without them.

5. I used to be an OCD hand washer, but recognized it and brought it back down to a reasonable level.

6. However, I do have a passionate love for Germ-X. :-)

7. I often dream about complete strangers, and wonder if those people actually exist.

8. I can't have kids, but hope to be a foster mom or mentor later in life.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

One year ago today...

I was looking out my window at the sunrise, with the Ponce Inlet Lighthouse shining in the distance. I was having my cheereos and wondering what the day would bring. I had never been to the Atlantic coast before, and had only heard of New Smyrna Beach because Weather Channel Meteorologist Jim Cantore camped out there during a hurricane a few years ago. Never did I imagine that I would find myself there, making a childhood dream come true and falling in love with Florida. I only live an hour from the Florida state line, but this place was different. I was comfortable. I felt like I belonged. I wanted to stay. I wish I could go back. I don't know if I'll ever make it back there again. I hope I do. If I had my health and was able to work full time, I'd possibly be living there now. Or not, now that I think of it. If I hadn't been ill and resigned from the hospital, I would not have been given the opportunity to go in the first place. Everything happens for a reason and affects everything else that happens in your life from then on. That's what they say, anyway. Whoever "they" are.

I think back to one year ago today, and looking at that lighthouse in the distance, I prayed that it would be the beginning of a new life. And so it was. A life of ups and downs no different than before, but with new eyes. That lighthouse represents a drastic change in my life. A light in the midst of the darkness; determination, perseverance, and hope for a brighter tomorrow.